We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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