well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
