Screwed.edu
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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