Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize