Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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