Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
