how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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