If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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