Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
