The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
