I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
