I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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