return my video game
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
