i may or may not be watching the land before time
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
