Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he thought i was a dude.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize