why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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