hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
