just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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