Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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