Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
