so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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