we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
