no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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