We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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