the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
