I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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