i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize