i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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