Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
