i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
