Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
