Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
