I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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