Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
