i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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