We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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