i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
