i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
