all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
