All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
