She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
