so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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