Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
