remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize