ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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