I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize