I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
