that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
