I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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