if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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