True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
