I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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