i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
