Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
