Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
