You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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