This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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