Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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