Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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