Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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