I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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