we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
