Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
