Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize