Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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