Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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