Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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