Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
