I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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