ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
time to smoke my breakfast
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
