So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
