She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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