So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
