i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
