Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
