Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
