the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
