we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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