I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
