Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
