is your mom at the bar?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
